John 8:1-11
Dust filled my eyes and mouth as they flung me to the ground at His feet. My arm, hands and chin instantly on fire, as the skin peels back against the unforgiving earth.
So this is where it all comes to an end. The place where I will finally breathe my last.
I wonder if I will see the ground turn to clay as it mix with my blood. How long will I suffer pain as the rocks pound the life out of me.
I hope its over soon, but then the fear grips my chest and my blood freeze in my veins when I think of the horror that awaits me on the other side. There is no promise of paradise for a woman like me.
I am a adulterer. The lowest of any female form. The one that allowed my heart to be stolen away by another that is not my own.
Here I am, guilty as charged. No denying what I've done or who I am. I've been caught in the very act. The law demands my blood.
Adulterous Whore. I must die...
Who is this Man ? Why are they waiting for His judgement?
A lifetime of thoughts and memories flood through my mind. Faces, people, love, fear. Like the waves of the ocean it washes over me.
I see the little girl that I was so long ago, hiding behind the wall where no adult could see. I hear the talk about my daddy's disappointment, he wanted a son; but I am not. My brother was born 18 months after me: having his precious boy my father left us.
My mother cries a lot: it's so hard being a single mom and the scandal of divorce makes it so much worse.
Someone has to pay and it is my fault after all for being a girl. Sometimes I'm lucky and my diaper absorbs the blows, most times I'm not and I get another red mark to show....
I'll be a good girl. I'll try harder, you'll see.
Another blow.
Why are they stalling? I look up and see Him writing in the sand.
Oh God have mercy on my soul!
My husband is a good man. He works hard to provide, but I never did get the hang of being good. I tried, if only they knew how hard I tried to be what he desires, but I have realised that some people were created to serve, not to be loved. To fill the gap left by others and to be used. Used as a punching bag to help relieve the stress and hurt in others hearts. Used as a sleeping bag to help fill their emptiness with momentary pleasure. Used as a rubbish bag, to be filled and carry the darkness and blame of their disappointments and shame.
At least I'll be easily replaced and won't be missed.
They are shouting their accusations louder now. “She was caught in the very act. Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned. What do You say?”
Here I am again, being used for someone else's s agenda. They obviously have something against this Man.
Who is He and what is He writing?
I am guilty as charged, get it over with. We all know what must be done.
I look past the crowd and in the distance hiding behind a tree I see him, my lover watching from far away. He said he loved me you know. Said we were soul mates, but when the time came to show this love, to put it through the fire, to prove how true it is, he sold me out in return for his own safety. He should be here with me. The law demands his death to. I should cry out, I should tell them that he is there. Expose his lies. He should be here too...
But what good would it do? I've known what I am for a very long time. How can I make him pay for using me, when it seems like that is what I was created for? I watch him walk away in silence.
I hope he has a blessed life. Forgive him God, bless him Lord.
Have mercy on us all.
The stranger stands up, but I can't look at Him.
Here it comes.
There is something about this Man that is so different. What is it? He is not intimidated by this angry mob. Did He not hear them? That He is a Jew is plain to see, surely He does not need them to remind Him what must happen to me?
“ He that is without sin amongst you, let him cast the first stone at her”
His voice hits harder than every blow I have ever received, cutting deep and soothing all at the same time. I look at Him, He is writing again. Please speak my Lord, I want to hear That voice again.
Who is this Man that just shook me to the core?
Wait!
What did He say? Cast the first stone!
I close my eyes and try not to choke on my own breath. Everyone has gone silent. I hear the thump of a rock hitting the ground but I feel nothing.
Did they miss? ….
Another thump, and then one more. One by one I hear the dull thumps of rocks dropping and a low hum of voices carried away under bowed heads. What is going on I wonder but I'm to frightened to open my eyes. My pounding heart, the only thing I can hear, and then He speaks again.
“ Where are your accusers? Hath no man condemned you?”
I look around and there we were. No angry mob, no one standing around with stones lifted high and voices lifted even higher, and suddenly it was as if we were the only two people on the planet. All I could see was Him, and I got lost in His eyes. I hear my voice escape my lips: “No man, Lord”
“Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”
***********
I will never forget the grace and mercy shown to me by my beloved Lord and saviour Jesus, on that day my sins were exposed and it seemed that the only thing to do was give up and die, because of the destruction caused by me committing adultery.
When I deserved death, He gave me life. His life.
He said:” My darling Ilze, if you will hold onto Me, I will make all things new”
It's s been many years ago I gave the life I wrecked to Him, and He has been so faithful in making good on His promise. Our marriage were restored, and He has taken our brokenness and turned it into the greatest weapon against the enemy.
Marriage is a beautiful covenant designed by God to reflect the love and intimacy there is in Him.
If your marriage have been deviled by sin ( yours or that of your spouse ) I want to urge you to call on Jesus. He can do the impossible. It takes only one to save a marriage. One calling out to God and following His guidance to allow THE ONE, Jesus Christ to save you and your marriage from the stones of the enemy that is ready to condemn you to death.
Jesus is calling out to you. If you will hold onto Him, He will make all things new.
-Ilze Esterhuyse-
Dust filled my eyes and mouth as they flung me to the ground at His feet. My arm, hands and chin instantly on fire, as the skin peels back against the unforgiving earth.
So this is where it all comes to an end. The place where I will finally breathe my last.
I wonder if I will see the ground turn to clay as it mix with my blood. How long will I suffer pain as the rocks pound the life out of me.
I hope its over soon, but then the fear grips my chest and my blood freeze in my veins when I think of the horror that awaits me on the other side. There is no promise of paradise for a woman like me.
I am a adulterer. The lowest of any female form. The one that allowed my heart to be stolen away by another that is not my own.
Here I am, guilty as charged. No denying what I've done or who I am. I've been caught in the very act. The law demands my blood.
Adulterous Whore. I must die...
Who is this Man ? Why are they waiting for His judgement?
A lifetime of thoughts and memories flood through my mind. Faces, people, love, fear. Like the waves of the ocean it washes over me.
I see the little girl that I was so long ago, hiding behind the wall where no adult could see. I hear the talk about my daddy's disappointment, he wanted a son; but I am not. My brother was born 18 months after me: having his precious boy my father left us.
My mother cries a lot: it's so hard being a single mom and the scandal of divorce makes it so much worse.
Someone has to pay and it is my fault after all for being a girl. Sometimes I'm lucky and my diaper absorbs the blows, most times I'm not and I get another red mark to show....
I'll be a good girl. I'll try harder, you'll see.
Another blow.
Why are they stalling? I look up and see Him writing in the sand.
Oh God have mercy on my soul!
My husband is a good man. He works hard to provide, but I never did get the hang of being good. I tried, if only they knew how hard I tried to be what he desires, but I have realised that some people were created to serve, not to be loved. To fill the gap left by others and to be used. Used as a punching bag to help relieve the stress and hurt in others hearts. Used as a sleeping bag to help fill their emptiness with momentary pleasure. Used as a rubbish bag, to be filled and carry the darkness and blame of their disappointments and shame.
At least I'll be easily replaced and won't be missed.
They are shouting their accusations louder now. “She was caught in the very act. Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned. What do You say?”
Here I am again, being used for someone else's s agenda. They obviously have something against this Man.
Who is He and what is He writing?
I am guilty as charged, get it over with. We all know what must be done.
I look past the crowd and in the distance hiding behind a tree I see him, my lover watching from far away. He said he loved me you know. Said we were soul mates, but when the time came to show this love, to put it through the fire, to prove how true it is, he sold me out in return for his own safety. He should be here with me. The law demands his death to. I should cry out, I should tell them that he is there. Expose his lies. He should be here too...
But what good would it do? I've known what I am for a very long time. How can I make him pay for using me, when it seems like that is what I was created for? I watch him walk away in silence.
I hope he has a blessed life. Forgive him God, bless him Lord.
Have mercy on us all.
The stranger stands up, but I can't look at Him.
Here it comes.
There is something about this Man that is so different. What is it? He is not intimidated by this angry mob. Did He not hear them? That He is a Jew is plain to see, surely He does not need them to remind Him what must happen to me?
“ He that is without sin amongst you, let him cast the first stone at her”
His voice hits harder than every blow I have ever received, cutting deep and soothing all at the same time. I look at Him, He is writing again. Please speak my Lord, I want to hear That voice again.
Who is this Man that just shook me to the core?
Wait!
What did He say? Cast the first stone!
I close my eyes and try not to choke on my own breath. Everyone has gone silent. I hear the thump of a rock hitting the ground but I feel nothing.
Did they miss? ….
Another thump, and then one more. One by one I hear the dull thumps of rocks dropping and a low hum of voices carried away under bowed heads. What is going on I wonder but I'm to frightened to open my eyes. My pounding heart, the only thing I can hear, and then He speaks again.
“ Where are your accusers? Hath no man condemned you?”
I look around and there we were. No angry mob, no one standing around with stones lifted high and voices lifted even higher, and suddenly it was as if we were the only two people on the planet. All I could see was Him, and I got lost in His eyes. I hear my voice escape my lips: “No man, Lord”
“Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”
***********
I will never forget the grace and mercy shown to me by my beloved Lord and saviour Jesus, on that day my sins were exposed and it seemed that the only thing to do was give up and die, because of the destruction caused by me committing adultery.
When I deserved death, He gave me life. His life.
He said:” My darling Ilze, if you will hold onto Me, I will make all things new”
It's s been many years ago I gave the life I wrecked to Him, and He has been so faithful in making good on His promise. Our marriage were restored, and He has taken our brokenness and turned it into the greatest weapon against the enemy.
Marriage is a beautiful covenant designed by God to reflect the love and intimacy there is in Him.
If your marriage have been deviled by sin ( yours or that of your spouse ) I want to urge you to call on Jesus. He can do the impossible. It takes only one to save a marriage. One calling out to God and following His guidance to allow THE ONE, Jesus Christ to save you and your marriage from the stones of the enemy that is ready to condemn you to death.
Jesus is calling out to you. If you will hold onto Him, He will make all things new.
-Ilze Esterhuyse-
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